We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
