how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
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The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize