when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
