my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
