I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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