If i could tip my vagina, i would.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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