Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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