Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
