I'm jealous of your bromance
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
barbara walters just said penis...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
