I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
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I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus