He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
should my penis look like a turkey
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.