He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON