Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
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Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
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This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?