I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.