Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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