This girl is more easily done than said...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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