hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
