the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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