all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
