would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
