the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
