I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
