Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
