So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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