You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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