was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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