Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
