Sponge bath it is.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
