With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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