The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
