just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
