dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
