Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
