You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
