My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
