Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
