do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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