Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
