DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
