I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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