laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
