I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
