Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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