I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.