I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
