Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
