Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
