Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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