he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
