Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
