Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
