You work out of a Hotel?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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