i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize