Porn is love you can see.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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