Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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