So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
