Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im six kinds of drunk right now
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
