just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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