Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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