isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
