When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
