This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
