I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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