I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize