Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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