I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
