I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
