I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Life is so much better after having sex.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
