I can text with my tongue
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
