All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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