No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
