scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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