your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
