So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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