if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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