i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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