I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
