He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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